That is how I feel tonight…his work wasn’t done! 

Our son needed him. I’m angry once again. I hate grief, hate it which only makes me hate it more. It’s such an ugly vicious cycle of an irrational roller coaster of emotions.  I’ve read about the “stages” of grief, studied them and heck I live them daily but to be completely honest they can go SUCK it! For myself I can fly through all the stages in different orders, without warning, for different periods of time when something triggers them. When Justin laid in ICU many people came to see him and pray with/for him. One particular time I remember my Dad during a prayer saying “his work is not done here, he is needed”. It was so very true and still is. The prayer was answered as they always are but the outcome was No, heaven needs him more. I can remember during that prayer touching Justin’s leg and looking at his foot. Brocks toes are like his Daddy’s in how one of them curves over the other. 

When Justin died his other son was 3 years old, the same as Brock right now. I am almost Justin’s age now myself and cannot even fathom leaving my children. Brock would be an orphan. How afraid he must have been to be faced with death in your late 30s. 

His work wasn’t done!