Sometimes, not always when someone hears the “story” of the past year their reactions are of how it all seems so tragic, sad and that they are sorry. It makes me have a huge question mark above my head??? Yes, I admit I have felt like I belong on the Lifetime channel somewhat but I am definitely not a sad pity case. With anything life can throw at you there is something to be learned, thankful for and to smile about! Missing Justin does not even come close to how his loss is felt. Everyday I miss him…his voice, his touch but I feel his presence. He has ways of making himself still known and it makes me smile! So, definitely I SMILE because it happened and would be lying if I said I did not cry because I miss him. I cry but have learned so much about myself and life. Justin and I had a lifetime together but we did not realize how short that “lifetime” would be. One thing I learned from him dying is how to LIVE! Things are very clear when they were not always so clear.
This past week I found myself visiting the Pleasure Pier in Galveston. Anyone who knows me knows that I do NOT ride amusement park rides…never have. They scared the poo out of me! I have been always been an experienced bench warmer and totally confident in my “yellow” chicken status as I watched everyone else ride.
When we arrived I thought to myself…I am going to ride and not miss out. I am done missing out on things that “scare” me! Besides I thought no one has been thrown into the ocean…yet! Yes I was scared, screamed a few profanities and almost left a puddle in the seat but I rode them ALL! Not a big deal to most people but for me this was HUGE!
The Love that Justin and I shared can never be put into words and will live in my heart forever. Someone said to me that Justin had “lost” his battle with cancer. Again I am sure I had the question mark above my head. I never looked at it as he lost. Justin WON that evening back in April. He was CHOSEN to leave the physical world to live in a world of complete bliss where disease does not exist. We are the ones who feel his loss…we are the ones who lost but I most definitely will hang on to the love we shared. Justin WON. I miss him dearly but he certainly did not lose!