Father’s Day is here and I feel almost like I “survived” it. Honestly I wasn’t sure how I would feel on this Sunday. It has been a good day. Brock and I celebrated Justin just as we do everyday..okay well maybe I little bit more today, after all Justin liked a fuss made over him! 😉 At church there was a part in the clip of a movie they showed us where it was a grown son talking to his father at his grave. The son talked about how he tries to always live his life so that one day he will come “face to face” with his Dad. This of course made me think of Brock. Yes, Brock did get to meet his father and we have a few pictures but he will not have any memories of his own of his Daddy. In my heart I can only hope that Brock chooses to live so that one day he can to come face to face with his father again. Part of the message was about how your journey tells your story not one event. It is not about the race but the rise…
Justin’s presence is all around us and gives me strength and peace constantly. There have been times since he passed away that I get anxious about things that I will have to do with Brock as his only living parent. Can I do it all? Today I knew at church would be dedicated to Father’s…like it should be. It gave me anxiety. Would I turn into a bawl of tears at our loss or would I feel a sense of celebration for the Daddy that Brock DOES have? He DOES have a Daddy…his soul and spirit are here, he lives in our hearts instead of our home.
I have thought I am just going to stay home…it is easier. Really it is not easier. The world keeps going and if I let an “event” pass by me because it is just too hard emotionally then I am missing out. I loose…I do not want to miss out on anything! I am not saying today was easy…everyday has it’s moments and I suspect it will be that way for the rest of my life. I embrace the peace and also the grief, they are both VERY real and I believe lead to healing. So, I survived Father’s Day. It was a good day! After church we went to the cemetery. I purposely did not have coffee until we got there so I could “share” it with my love. I got a to-go cup and took it with me. Brock drank his bottle and I my coffee. We talked to and about his Daddy, listened to a few songs that reminded me of Justin and left his gift.
He is missed beyond words and I am sad he is not physically here with me but you know what…it is okay. He doesn’t hurt, he isn’t sick and he can breathe where he is at while here on earth he could not. He body just gave out long before any of us where ready but it is not in our time. I was not ready for him to go but I am so Glad That He Came!
When I was taking pictures today at the cemetery I looked at the bird again and realized that it had no feet. Justin showed me pictures he drew when he was younger of different animals but none of them had feet. I asked him why they were all feet-less…he replied that he didn’t know how to draw feet. So it was fitting that the bird today had not feet! Made me smile…he could always make me smile! 🙂